OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
