I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
