giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
