Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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