I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
