it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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