Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
