I'm really into asian looking animals
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
