Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
