im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
