she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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