I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
