dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
