You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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