we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
