I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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