i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
