yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
