Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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