gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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