Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
