I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
