Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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