I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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