Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
