there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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