im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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