Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
