So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she peed on how many people?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
