Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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