We won't sleep together?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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