what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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