Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
