I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
