wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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