even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize