So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize