plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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