ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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