Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
