I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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