i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
