hell yes lets make some ravioli
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
