omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
