May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
