She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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