Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
