whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
