why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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