what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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