it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize