i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize