I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I enjoy the company of your penis
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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