I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just cut my nipple shaving
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize