I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
