my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
