I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
