She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
