Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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