the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
