Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize