If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
