I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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