its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
