Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
