Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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