Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
