Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
