I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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