He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
