hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
